


Tell Me Why

by ItsJina



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, after 8.01, angst at first, awesome!Benny, post purgatory, so it's also here, somehow fluff made its way into this fic, what could've went down between Cas and Benny
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-10
Updated: 2012-10-10
Packaged: 2017-11-16 00:48:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/533643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsJina/pseuds/ItsJina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"“Castiel pulled you from perdition. You should’ve pulled him from purgatory."<br/>--<br/>A/N: This was written before 8.02. So after 8.02 airs, who knows how accurate this fic will be. Enjoy, nevertheless.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tell Me Why

**Author's Note:**

> Like my note in the summary said:  
> written before 8.02. So. The accuracy of this fic will vary. It's a fiction work anyways.  
> Benny is not an asshole in this. If you're expecting that, you can leave, thanks. Excuse Naomi's behavior. She's just over-protective.  
> Sorry for the cheesy title. I might change it later. We'll see.
> 
> This is my headcanon, basically. Enjoy. It's unbetaed and written in a short amount of time. Any mistakes found are mine alone.

It was all wrong.

They messed up. Dean messed up. They attempted to close Hell’s gates too early, without all the proper elements and time. It backfired and opened the gates, allowing all kind of demons to escape.

They were losing. With just him, Sam, Kevin and Benny, they didn’t stand a chance against the outpour of demons.

Then, there was a huge flash of light, momentarily blinding them all, and _they_ appeared.

A dozen angels, more than Dean’s ever seen or gotten, dressed in their standard black formal suits, with grim faces. They flung into action, all moving in different directions seamlessly, like ink spreading in water.

Dean was surprised for a split second before he was swarmed by demons. He decided that they needed all the help they could get, and whatever intentions these angels held, it didn’t matter.

There was a surge of renew faith and moral. From the corner of his eyes, he can see the new strength in Sam, the hard concentration on Kevin’s face, the wicked trademark smile on Benny, a flash of tan trench coat—that stopped him cold for a split second, before a demon possessing a huge man football tackled him into the ground, and he pushed away the thought. It was impossible. He squashed down any gleam of hope and concentrated on not dying.

They fought just as fierce as the angels.

It was a miracle.

The angels were different, stronger, and powerful. There was a swiftness with every attack, a purpose to every chop and punch. They were unstoppable, burning away any demons their hands could get on. They were incredibly moving and beautiful, like how Dean thought angels used to be like. Like Cas—

Through some angels’ mumbo jumbo chants and a helping hand from Kevin, they closed the gates, but not before it sucked back all the demons. The gates closed with a loud singing bang.

All was relatively quiet. Dean’s ragged breaths sounded incredibly loud.

“Did we do it?” Sam whispered, looking up twitchily around them, to the angels, and then to them. All of the sudden, Dean can feel the tiredness in his bones, and all he wanted was to sink down to the ground and take a nap right there.

The angels looked fine, with just a few wrinkles on their sleek suits. They were already huddling close in a group, whispering among themselves and glancing warily to their leader, the brunette woman with the grim expression, standing in front of them. They looked to her, and then glared at Dean.

The irritation climbed up his spine fast and a snarl made its way onto his face.

The woman lowered her eyes at Dean and stepped forward, “Dean Winchester,” she said with undisguised disgust. “I am not surprised that this incident was caused by you and your band of…” she stopped, clearly intending to say something rude, but cleared her throat. She stood straighter and became expressionless. “You are lucky that we were convinced by our brother, or we would’ve let you reap what you sowed.” A break in her professional face and Dean could see the obvious dislike she had for him.

Dean knew when to shut up and be grateful, but her attitude to him was unwarranted. “Look, I never done shit to you, unless you’re still pissed about us averting the apocalypse—and if you are, lady, you need to move on from that cause that was longgg ago—“

“You’ve done more than enough and beyond, Dean Winchester,” she growled dangerously, and suddenly, in a flick of the eye, the angels behind her looked just as dangerous as demons, all wearing the same murderous look.

Dean took a breath, slipped glances behind to Sam, Kevin and Benny, who all looked at him with confused looks and kept wary eyes on the angels.

“Well yeah, I know I ain’t perfect—“ Dean started sarcastically, with hands up.

“You have done enough damage to last us a hundred lifetimes,” she interrupted, “you and your little group of _hooligans_ , but _you_ especially, have made more than enough damage in all of earth, heaven and hell, and even purgatory—“

Dean was ready to punch her.

But suddenly, the angels split apart in the middle by some unspoken force, as another came from the farthest behind and reached for the woman. As soon as he did, the woman stopped in her rant, her jaws tight, and she took a sharp inhale.

Dean stopped breathing completely at the sight of him.

He could hear the surprise inhale of breaths behind him, and Kevin said in shock, “Castiel?”

Memories of purgatory flashed in his mind. He froze, eyes roaming over that familiar face, the same tan trench coat, the white shirt underneath.  Then the last memory he had of Castiel—Castiel with his back to Dean, taking on or accepting the monsters approaching, as Dean screamed for him to come—Dean shuddered violently, breaths short.

Benny’s hand on his shoulder brought him back and he was internally glad for Benny’s comforting gesture.

“Naomi, please,” Castiel said quietly, face tired but pleading. “Don’t.” His clothes looked rumpled, but not dirty. His dark hair was messily beautiful like someone had run their fingers through them. He was pale, and his cheekbones stuck out more obvious than usual.

Naomi looked at him like she was baffled and puzzled by him, but with a slow exhale, she nodded. “As you wish, brother.” She put a hand on his shoulder, reassuringly, and glared at Dean one last time, before looking at her fellow angels. “Let’s go.”

“Wait!” Dean shouted, shrugging away Benny’s hand, and approached closer to Castiel, but Naomi stepped in front of Castiel protectively. Castiel looked pained, but he didn’t say anything.

 “What a freaking minute,” Dean demanded, moving frantically to get a better look at Castiel. “I need a minute with Cas.”

She didn’t move. Dean glared at her. “If you don’t mind,” he grinded out angrily.

Her expression held the murderous intent again and she glared him down. She stepped forward, but Dean stood his ground. His teethes clenched tightly as she was inches away from his face and said harshly and lowly, “Yes, I _do_ mind, Dean Winchester. You do not deserve the right to talk to Castiel, you don’t even deserve the right to _look_ at him, understand?”

Dean looked at Castiel, who was no help. Castiel only stared at the ground. “Cas?” Dean said with a cracked voice, silently asking if that’s what he wanted.

Castiel froze, and he raised his head to look at Dean, but the other angels suddenly sheltered him, blocking his face.

“Damn it, you son of bitches, let me talk to him,” Dean said with barely contained anger. He could hear Sam and Kevin, even Benny, trying to tell him to calm down, possibly because the angels could probably fry their asses, but Dean didn’t give a shit. He needed to talk to Castiel, he needed Castiel, period.

“Enough, Dean Winchester,” Naomi announced, and a powerful invisible circular force swept around them, making Dean stumbled back. Her eyes glowed brightly and multiple voices spoke from within her, “You have no right to be near our brother Castiel. You have no right to look, to touch, or to talk to him.” Her hand pointed to Castiel. “Look what you’ve done to him. Look at how you’ve changed him.”

Dean, his face tight, looked at her, and looked at Castiel. Castiel’s appearance was the same from when he lost his sanity, when he was broken. He was quiet and feeble, casting eyes downward.

“Look how he’s changed,” the multiple voices continued ominously, and her eyes glowed so bright they were turning white. “Look at what you’ve done. He wears these clothes like a second skin and refuses to shed it off.” She looked disapprovingly at Castiel. “We do not understand these clothing or their sentimental value, but to us, they stand as a stain and a reminder of what _you_ have caused and done. He will be the martyr that reminds us of all that you have done and what you can do—corruption to even the purest of angels.”

She closed her eyes and when she opened them her eyes were normal blue again. Her voice returned to normal and she said gravely, “Castiel pulled you from perdition. You should’ve pulled him from purgatory. That would be common decency, as humans put it. But you didn’t.” She sneered at him. “ _We_ reached for him. _We_ pulled him out from purgatory.” She looked to her angel followers, who all stood straighter, with determined faces and chins up. “We unanimously decided that you have lost all rights to Castiel the moment you abandoned him to the monsters in purgatory,” she announced with finality.

She turned, and put a hand on Castiel’s back. “Let us go, brothers and sisters.”

Dean looked expressionlessly at Castiel, who slightly turned his head over his shoulder, like he was going to look back to Dean. But with a blink, they were gone.

Dean rushed forward then, his hand out, trying to grasp any of Castiel’s lingering presence. His hand clenched into a fist at nothing, and he took a deep shuddering breath, as he looked at the area in front of him with a blurry vision. He blinked the tears back, taking more deep breaths to calm down.

Who was she to judge? She didn’t know his endless days and nights in purgatory, calling “Cas” over and over until his voice cracked and hurt. She didn’t know his endless searching for weeks, chasing ghosts and shadows, and trailing after any slightest details that Castiel had been near. She didn’t know his late sleepless nights when he prayed so hard for Castiel to be by his side, for Castiel’s comforting warmth and presence. She didn’t know just how much Dean looked, searched, prayed, cried, screamed, begged—“Cas, where are you? Please!”

She didn’t understand how relieved Dean had been when he and Benny found Castiel. She didn’t understand a damn thing. But before they could even be together for long, before Dean could find out why Castiel disappeared on him in the first place, they were on the run again, constantly running.

Then the purgatory gate opened.

She can’t even begin to comprehend the depth of his feelings when Castiel turned and walked away from Dean and the portal. She didn’t understand his desperation, his cries, his anger, his worries. She didn’t understand how hard Dean tried to reach for Castiel, she didn’t understand just how much—

But she was right.

Deep down, he knew she was right.

No matter what happened, Dean shouldn’t have let it happened. He shouldn’t have left Castiel alone, to fend for himself against hundreds of monsters. He shouldn’t have allowed Castiel to move away from him. If only he had tried harder. If only he had reached further to try and grab Castiel’s hand and pull him with them. If only.

Dean shouldn’t have left Castiel _alone_.

If only he hadn’t left Castiel to deal alone in purgatory.

At least then, he would’ve had Castiel by his side.

“Dean,” Sam called sympathetically, and he felt a soft squeeze on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

Dean didn’t trust himself to speak. He only nodded, and looked once more at the empty space in front of him before leaving.

\--

He wasn’t asleep and only pretended to keep Sam’s worried eyes away. He heard Sam’s heavy steps moved near him and Sam plopping himself onto the chair next to the couch. Dean continued his false sleep. Sam stayed for a couple minutes before saying, “I’m here, Dean. Whenever you want to talk, I’m here.” Then he finally left, and Dean wiped away a tear.

 Kevin had fell into an exhausted sleep the moment they got back. Benny had spared him any heartfelt moments by only giving him an understanding look before entering his room.

So, couple hours later, Dean was staring up onto the ceiling, still unable to sleep, when he heard a flutter.

His heart quickened and his head moved automatically to look for that familiar figure.

Through the moonlight shining from the windows, he saw two dark outlines in front of Benny’s door. Alarmed, Dean was about to jump into action, until he heard Benny’s southern drawl, “Hold up there, angel boy. Let’s talk outside.”

With a gust of wind, they were gone.

‘Angel boy,’ Dean breathed out tightly. ‘Benny’s nickname for Cas.’ His chest felt heavier than ever though, and he was very confused. ‘Benny and Cas? What?’ He couldn’t understand why Castiel had gone to Benny. His insides squeezed tightly, and he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Dean peeked outside, searching hopefully to find them literally outside. His luck was good, because they were. Benny looked half-amused, while Castiel looked apologetic. Slowly, Dean opened the window slowly, in hopes of hearing their conversation better. His lucky streak held; they didn’t notice and he eavesdropped on their quiet talk.

Castiel, with fumbling hands and inability to stand still, spoke softly, “I just wanted to apologize if Naomi had made you all uneasy earlier.”

“Is that all?” Benny said, with a dramatic yawning.

Castiel glanced at Benny, rocked back and forth on his feet, and then looked downward again. “Yes.”

“Bullshit.”

Castiel looked up at Benny, in slight surprise.

Benny didn’t look amused anymore. He spitted, “You came here to see Dean. Why didn’t you?” He didn’t give Castiel a chance to answer as his voice raised. He was angry. “Better yet, tell me this, angel boy: why did your pretty angel bitch say that Dean _left_ you in purgatory, when it was _you_ who offered to _stay_ in purgatory?”

Something snapped. His sanity, or his patience. His heartbeat multiplied by a hundred because he could hear it pound incessantly in his head. He couldn’t sit still anymore and definitely couldn’t go on listening to them quietly.

He smacked the window open loudly and thrashed the window screen away as he jumped out the window. “What!?” He shouted, his entire body building up with anger and frustration. “What the hell is he talking about, Cas!?”

Castiel looked like a dear in headlight. He started walking backwards, but before he could disappear off, Benny grabbed onto his shoulder. “Nuh uh, angel boy. This been long coming. You need to tell him, cause I’m sick of carrying this god damn unwanted guilt that stabs me every time I see Dean’s guilt-ridden and lost puppy face over you. I’m done.” Benny turned an eye to Dean. “You two need to take care of this.” He shoved Castiel hard toward Dean and walked off.

Dean didn’t spare Benny a glance, eyes zeroed on Castiel only. He caught Castiel in his arms, and held on tight. He kept his eyes on the frail angel, who trembled under his touch. “Look at me, Cas.” He didn’t. “Damn it, Cas, _look at me!”_

Jolted, Castiel looked up, and Dean’s mesmerized, all over again. He breathed shakily, “What did Benny mean, Cas?”

Castiel looked downward again, and Dean had enough of it. He gripped tighter around Castiel, and pushed Castiel’s body up and tight to his own, their faces inches from each other. “Look. At. Me. Cas.” Dean demanded with a low tone, eyes never leaving Castiel’s face, watching every twitch and quirk.

Castiel squirmed a bit but didn’t put up much of a fight. Reluctantly, he looked up to Dean again, lips quivering slightly, eyes wide.

Dean fought an urge to stop those trembling lips somehow. Instead, he asked quietly, his eyes searching Castiel’s beautiful blue ones, “What did he mean, Cas?” Dean’s face crumbled at the thought of Castiel being alone in purgatory. His voice trembled as he voiced his fear, “You _wanted_ to stay in purgatory?”

Castiel looked alarmed at his assumption, his blue eyes looking at him with concern. “Dean,” he said softly, and lifted a hand to Dean’s cheek, gently stroking, and Dean sunk into his hand with a long breath and eyes closed. Dean was relieved that it wasn’t that.

Then he opened his eyes again and asked silently, his expression questioning, toward Castiel.

Castiel sighed a little and automatically looked down, but Dean lifted Castiel’s chin up with his finger and shook his head, not allowing Castiel to do it again.

Castiel stared hopelessly before saying, “I wanted to keep you safe.”

Dean let out a shaky breath and moved his hand upward. Castiel flinched. That hurt Dean even more. But his trembling fingers slightly brushed over Castiel’s face, as if to smooth out the wrinkles and lines that marked his hard times. Dean whispered tightly, “What?” He didn’t understand it. “Leaving me by myself, leaving on your own without telling me anything— _that’s_ keeping me safe?”

“I sent you Benny, didn’t I?”  Castiel stood straighter and shrugged off Dean’s arms. Dean let go slowly, making sure he wasn’t going to disappear on him.

 “What?” Dean said in disbelief. There was a crawling realization dawning upon him, but he refused to believe it.

Castiel sighed, and looked pained, but he kept his eyes level with Dean, “I told Benny how to get out. No monsters in purgatory know how to get out. Only some angels do, and I was one of them. I made a deal with Benny: He keeps you safe, he tells you how to get out and assists you in however he can. In return, he also gets to leave.”

Dean stared at him horrifically, and asked in a tight voice, “If you knew the way out, why didn’t you just stay with me?”

“Because, Dean, I was a liability.”

Dean let out a strangled breath, because he thought right, and he stared horrifically.

Castiel continued with conviction, “Dean, all the souls that I took in, and then threw them back into purgatory—they were all out to kill me. I was a danger to you if I had stayed.”

Struggling to gather himself, Dean huffed angrily and stepped forward cautiously, his face tensed and his lips curling into a scowl, “So, you thought that _leaving_ and not _discussing_ anything with me would be the _right_ plan?”

Castiel stared at me for a moment, with a slight frown on his face, and said quietly, “I knew you wouldn’t agree—“

“Damn right!”

“—But I wasn’t looking for your approval.”

Dean staggered backwards, breathing deeply, because all of the sudden, the whole conversation and feeling was too similar to that time when Castiel was working with Crowley. It was all too déjà vu and Dean just couldn’t breathe.

It was like they haven’t learned at all. As if they hadn’t moved on from that time at all, and Dean’s suddenly so angry that he’s grabbing Castiel’s white shirt, twisting it in his fist, pulling their faces close to each other, and he’s looking straight into Castiel’s eyes with all the focus he could gather, and he’s about to shout, yet as he stared into Castiel’s blank face, all that came out was a broken whispered voice, “For god sake, when will you freaking understand that I would rather have you, _cursed or not?_ Did you not understand what that meant? When will you understand into your freaking angel head that I rather have you by my side? When will you just freaking understand how much I—“

Dean stopped abruptly and turned his back on Castiel, his hand running down his face, trying to control his emotional outburst. He exhaled hard and looked over his shoulder.

Castiel was staring at him, blinking in confusion. “But, Dean, it was too dangerous and I wanted to keep you safe—“

“ _No!_ ” Dean shouted. “No, goddamn it, Cas!” Dean was irrefutably done with beating around the bush. He stormed to Castiel, grabbed his arm, pulled him close, and smacked their lips together _finally._

It was like a long held breath finally letting go, and Dean just melted into Castiel, all the tension and anger releasing out of his body like a deflating balloon. Castiel seemed frozen with shock at first, but then he clasped Dean’s face gently and returned the kiss.

When Dean finally pulled away with a haggled breath, he whispered shakily, “Do you understand now, Cas? Do you understand now why you _cannot_ just disappear and make your own decisions that endanger your own life?”

Castiel smiled softly and he brushed Dean’s stubble face lightly with his fingers, his eyes following them, “It sounds so simple now. Where were you when I needed it?” He said quietly, looking shyly at Dean from under his eyelashes. There was a hint of humor dancing on his lips.

A smile tugged on Dean’s lips as well. The sudden lightness of the situation was really a relief on his nerves. He cleared his throat and said gruffly, “I was there, you asshole. You were the one running off without telling me a damn thing.”

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

“I know,” Dean said quickly, taking a deep breath, “I just—I need you to _not_ do that ever again. EVER. We clear on that?”

Castiel opened his mouth, but Dean rambled on, his thoughts vomiting all over but he didn’t care because he just needed it to be out there, for Castiel to understand, “Honestly, don’t ever do that again. Don’t ever leave me because you think you’re putting me in danger. Don’t ever leave me for my own safety. Cas, for Christ’s sake, I’m _always_ in danger. I don’t know what you were thinking by leaving me alone. I think that only endangers my safety more.”

Castiel opened his mouth again to speak, but Dean continued over him, eyes wandering from looking at Castiel to staring to anything else. He was walking back and forth now and speaking way too fast and nervous, “But you see? Either way, I would’ve been in danger. So you don’t need to leave at all, Cas. If you stayed, we would actually have a better chance of surviving together than alone. We’re stronger together.”

“Dean—“

“So Cas, don’t ever do anything like that again. Just don’t. Don’t even think about leaving me alone. Don’t even think about leaving. Don’t think about that at all. Just—“

Castiel raised his hand suddenly to Dean’s mouth and he had an undeniable smile on his face, “I understand, Dean.”

Dean stared at him with huge eyes, moved his head away so that he could speak, “…Are you sure? Because if you need clarification, just—“

“Dean, shut up.” Castiel said and pulled his head closer for another kiss.

As they pulled apart, “And don’t you ever think about—“

Castiel kissed him again, longer and deeper this time.

“And also—“

“Oh, and don’t ever—“

“Dean, you do not need to ramble on for me to kiss you. Just ask.”

“…M’kay. Kiss me, Cas.”

“As you wish, Dean.”


End file.
